Setting Boundaries

1. Choose to set boundaries. You will tolerate a difficult relationship situation just as long as you choose to tolerate it. To change the situation, you need to be the one to choose to set boundaries in place.
2. Identify the source of your feelings. It often takes some real soul-searching on your part to figure out the source of your anger or resentment.
3. Decide when, where, and how to set the boundaries. Think about the entire situation. Consider your time, emotions, and means. Remember that setting boundaries is about getting your needs met.
4. Express the boundaries clearly. For example, you say to your friend, "I will loan you my car once per week for two hours."
5. Stick to your boundaries. You are not responsible for making the other person obey the boundaries. You are only responsible for following the boundaries yourself and for reinforcing them — by following through with stated expectations, such as not allowing your friend to borrow your car if they do not return it in the expected timeframe.

Relationship Issues and Counseling

If you are feeling distressed about a relationship, you may wish to consider individual or couples counseling. Counseling can help you identify problematic patterns in your current relationship(s) and teach you more effective ways of relating to others. Contact the ESU Student Wellness Center at 620-341-5222.

Relationship Bill of Rights

• I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
• I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
• I have the right to make friends and be myself around people.
• I have the right to say no and not feel guilty.
• I have the right to feel safe.
• I have the right to take time for myself.
• I have the right to change my mind.
• I have the right to ask for what I want.
• I have the right to ask for information.
• I have the right to make mistakes.
• I have the right to be me and feel good about myself.
• I have the right to be understood and cared for.
• I have the right to understand and care for whomever I choose.
• I have the right to leave conversations with people who make me feel disrespected or humiliated.
• I have the right to set boundaries in a relationship and make changes to improve the health of a relationship.
• I have the right to end a relationship.
• I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
• I have the right to expect honesty from others.
• I have the right to experience and express all of my feelings.
• I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
• I have the right to express my emotions in a healthy,
• constructive and non-threatening manner.
• I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgments, or any reason that I choose.
• I have the right to change and grow.
• I have the right to be happy.

***Information adapted from the University of Texas- Austin and The State University of New York.